Off to work I go!

I think I used my son's surgery as an excuse to fall off the wagon. Looking back, my head was full of stupid excused that were not valid. Well, I can't go back and change it so I am going forward. Faced the scale this morning. Only up 1 lb. I can handle that. I had it coming! So, back to tracking! (Ironically, the Seven Dwarfs are singing "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!" in the background right now!)

So, how do I climb back on?

I think I am going to start with that fresh pineapple in my fridge. It is ripe and ready to eat but I have been opting for the chips ahoy instead! Off to cut it up and fix myself some breakfast!

A Big Day

While I usually try and keep this spot slightly impersonal, this post is just the oposite. Impersonal isn't working for me. Weight loss is personal. I think I have always known this, but Jillian seems to be throwing it in my face as I watch Biggest Loser and read Master Your Metabolism. So, here I go...




This day I have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time.

My little guy has taken us on a rollercoaster ride this year. Last October he surprised us at birth with a cleft lip and palate. Shocking but wouldn't have changed a thing except we would have been better equipted to deal with his issues.

After he was born, I felt like they couldn't fix it fast enough. They closed his lip at 3 months. At that time, I was used to my wide smiled baby and questioned if I should really let my baby out of my arms and trust the doctors. Was it necessary? The doctors assured me that it wasn't just cosmetic. There were feeding and speech issues that needed to be addressed. I knew but didn't make it easy. I worried I wouldn't recognize him, he wouldn't be my same baby. He was and he wasn't. He looked different. I had to rememorize his face.

He didn't heal well. His lip wasn't a good fix, under-rotated. His seam pulled up. His right nosteril became swollen and scarred, leaving it very small and hard to nereath out of. Different and disappointing but at the same time nice to be on the way to finding his new smile. I guess it is best described as confusing.

Special bottles, lots of bacitracin, neutosurgeons, geneticists and a helmet. Lots of stares. Sweet baby, lots of Smiles, loving big sister and proud parents. We were making it. I think that Heaveny Father knew I needed these things to make it through this past year.

Next step, palate closure, allowing him to swallow normaly and have positive air pressure (This means he will soon be able to say dada. I think my husband is tired of being called "mama"). This is usually around 9 months but the little guy also needed some revisions and a lot of scar tissue. Better to do it all at once. We waited until 11 months, when the doctors said the scar tissue would be ready to be removed.

That day is here. Were waiting. He went in for surgery about 3 hours ago. He now has new tubes in his ears and his palate has been closed. They just started the lip and nose revisions. All updates indicate that things are going well. Relieving! He has to stay in the ICU tonight. Lots of bleeding and risk of choking on his tongue. I am staying with him because I can't imagine leaving him alone. He is old enough to know the difference and no one knows a child like their mother. One comfort, a good family friend is one of the head pedatricians at the neighboring military hospitals and just happens to be on duty here this week. Nice to have someone who knows us personally. (His 4 kids are also our babysitters.)

There will be many more surgeries in the future but we will have at least a 3 year break. Thank goodness. It has been a tough first year.

Why do I write this? A little reflection perhaps. Maybe, just the need to share it. Far to personal for my family blog. Funny how that works. Not for pity! We were blessed with an amazing little boy that Heavenly Father trusted me with. I am very thankful for that!

On My Way

I weighed in on Tuesday. Down 10.4. Yeah! I know some of that was junk my body was holding onto from vacation but I'll take it. It feels good to be going in the right direction. Just shy of 5%. Maybe this week.

Making good decidions with food is getting easier. Craving crap less. Getting creative in the kitchen again.

As I have mentioned before, my husband is a sabotuer. Drives me nuts. He knows I am doing something and probably figures it is WW but I'm not talking to him about it this go round. I am trying to fly under the radar. I am not taking a million pictures while cooking when he is around and dinner gets captured on my little 3 mp iPhone instead of my wonderful DSLR Nikon. Bummer but worth avoiding the rift that forms when I count points.

Yes, I Shower!

I swear that my husband thinks that I never shower. While this is NOT the case, I can see why he thinks this. I look worn down and I am almost always in lounge clothes because on days that I try and get ready in the morning I usually end up getting slimed by the baby or spilled on by the toddler and throw my hands up and end up back in the same pants I had on when he left that morning.

I know it bothers him. Heck, it bothers me!!!

Today, I didn't shower. I got up and exercised and then between the two kids and the house never made it in the shower. My husband was home a little early because it was a Friday, but that didn't make me feel any better about the situation. He took the baby and I tossed the toddler in the shower with me. (Not my favorite person to shower with since she chanted "Shamu, Shamu" while we were in the tub together. I know she is 2 and it was innocently but still.) Shaved my legs for the first time in over a week and when we got out I sent her downstairs to play and took some time for myself. I actually did my makeup and hair and put on a nice outfit hoping to put my husbands fear of an unshowered and unkept wife to rest.

Within minutes of taking the baby off his hands, I heard snoring. Great! Wondering if it was really worth all the trouble. Around 5:30, I decided to start dinner. Had planned it out so it fit in my points. I was starting to set the table when he woke up. He came over and asked what I was doing. When I explained that I was fixing dinner, he said not to bother because we were going out, because I looked nice so why not. (Yeah, he did notice!) I was excited, but also torn because I had planned everything out and was nervous about what I would eat and how I would have planned differently all day if I knew we were going out. I had a feeling that he was looking for an excuse for sushi. (Our usual would definitely been way out of my point range.)

I mentioned earlier that I have been taking some time to really think about my issues and the reasons behind them. One, is that my husband is not really supportive of me trying to lose weight. He is a bit of a saboteur. More on this later. I still have a lot to figure out about it. He also says that I am too rigid when trying to lose weight and plan too much. While I was reserved about the whole situation, I decided to try to be more spontaneous and go with it and trust myself. Luckily, he didn't have anything in mind and left it up to me. I offered up Subway/Jamba Juice. He bit and we were off.

The Subway/Jamba are near this specialty market that had a huge deli (kind of like Whole Foods). Last second, we decided to check out the deli/restaurant for dinner instead because I had a few things that I wanted to pick up. When we walked in the store, my husband picked me up a dozen beautiful yellow roses and had them wrapped up in green tissue. Very romantic and not like my husband at all. There were a million things to pick from but I settled on roasted turkey breast, green beans with almonds and mashed potatoes. I had a couple fresh mozzarella balls, a bit of mac and cheese, a nibble of my husbands cookie and a few small pieces of good quality licorice that was plucked for the bulk bins. I only bought a few knowing that there would be no stopping once I started. When I think about it I wish I would have bought more but again, knew that I shouldn't. We were able to chat while toddler played in the kids area and the baby shoveled down whatever he could get his hands on.

So with all this rambling, I guess what I am trying to say is that I should take better care of myself, both for me and my husband. I should also be flexible. I just need to be determined to count. Final count: only 4 over for the day and I had plenty WPAs to cover it. It was a fun night out and I appreciate my husband noticing and making an effort.

And...

Yes, I do shower!

Horror and Embarassment

I am embarassed it has been such a long time. Wish I could tell you that I have been busy getting skinny but not the case.

I am starting to be more introspective and try and understand some of my issues so that I can be successful.

I lost some weight in August only to go one vacation in September and put some back on. Picture my horror, stepping on the scale 12 lbs heavier than when we left 10 days before. How does that happen?

I have gone back to basics and I am counting. I have been since Monday. Five days. Feels good to have some structure back.

I have a few other thoughts that are weighing on me. I think they deserve their own post.

The Shred - Day 2

Two days done. 28 to go!

I'm sore! Mostly in my legs. Found I couldn't jump near as high today as yesterday. Can't wait to be over the soreness but that probably means I need to move up a level.

I love that it is 25 minutes beginning to end. Makes it easy to squeeze in. Yesterday the kids were napping when I did it, but not the case today. Baby boy was pretty content and the little girl had fun jumping along. It got tough on the last set of abs but I was determined. Grunting to get through it I think scared the little girl and she was worried I was hurt.

It hurt, but in a good way!

The Alternative

It's 10:45 pm and I am hungry.

Points are gone.

Husband is searching the cabinets for a snack.
Sounds like he is settling on a bowl of Race Krispies.

I think I just need to head to bed!

It Feels Good

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
American Poet

What a good start to the day!

Tracking again and feeling good about it!
Ate a good breakfast! (Breakfast Sandwich, Apple, Plenty of Water)
Made a plan for the day and starting to work on my list.
Feeling my motivation return.

"The Shred"

Two more donuts, stale too! Not good! they are done with. I am not going to mention the Easter candy that I have eaten. Enough with confessions.

Easter was nice. The kids are so little we can do it on our timeline. We slept in, went to church, had lunch and then told the little girl that the Easter Bunny would pay her a visit while she was napping. She loved finding the eggs and was proud of her haul.

While we mostly focus on the kids for holidays, my husband bought me Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred". Thoughtful because he knows I have been wanting it. I have to admit that I am way nervous about how hard it may be. Plan is to start the 30 days on Wednesday with Em, a good friend and WW. I am glad to have someone to be accountable to as well as to all of you so that I really stick with it. So, HOLD ME TO IT!!!

Temptation

Yes, there is a box of these sitting on my counter.
No, I didn't put them there!
Yes, my husband thought it was a good idea.
No, he wasn't thinking straight.
Yes, it is making rededicating myself very difficult!
Yes, I caved and shoved one in my mouth on my way to be last night.
No, it was not smart!
Yes, I kicked myself for it!
No, I am not going to do it again.

I get supporting a cause but donuts? Really? We don't need them around here to for me to stare at all day long!

I'm Back!

So after two crazy weeks and totally blowing WW, I'm back. I have learned a lot about emotional eating and how I deal with stress.

Thanks to all those who emailed and commented on how I was doing. I really really appreciate it. Things have been so crazy I haven't even checked my email to see the comments. It really motivates me to stay on track.

Now I'm off to get those few pesky pounds that came back on while my parents were in town!

Caution's in the Wind

Thanks to all you who congratualted me on the loss. It was an awesome week.

In coming clean, I feel like I have lost control the past two days. I can't really tell you why but I am figuring emotional eating and throwing caution to the wind when I eat something that I hadn't planned on.

Luckily, I had all my WPAs. I have pretty much used them all so I have rededicated myself for the next three days so that i can finish off the week OP.

Today, I have been good at sticking to my plan for the day. I feel great about it.

Also, thanks Roni for all your inspiration. I loved this Ask Roni. Watch it if you have a chance. I usually put it on it the background while I am checking all of your blogs.

Past the Gain

-3.7

I had a feeling that my gain last week of 0.7 was a fluke but it feels great to know that it was. I stayed on track this week, but I was on track the week before too. I didn't do much different. I think just the ebb and flow of losing weight.

So I have surpassed the 25 lbs lost mark! Yeah! I am so proud of this. I have been so close the past few weeks I could taste it. So glad to be here!

Down Sizing

Just another sale that I forgot to share on the last post. Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic are doing Friends and Family March 12 -15 and you can get 30% off your entire purchase and on top of that 5% goes to charity. I have picked Feed America as the charity that I would like proceeds to go to.

You can use it in store or online.

The online code is:

D6KQWGD1NLH6

You need to print a barcode to use is in-store. I will send you an invite by email if you need a coupon. I can't really figure out how to post it here. Just leave your email in a comment or email me at d.fine09 {at} yahoo dot com and I will get it to you ASAP.

If you are in need of something the next size down, this would be a great way to get it. Save a little green and do a little good.

Dealing for the Deal

I hate hate hate shopping for clothes, especially jeans. truth be told, I usually buy one of the first pairs that I find that fit just to have it over with. I don't worry about then being a perfect fit. I usually worry more about the price. I never want to spend to much because I am always hoping that I don't have to wear them too long, always hoping to lose weight. I usually just snag some at Target while I am picking something else up, not because I especially like Target's jeans but out of pure convenience.

If I could pick a place to buy jeans, it would probably be Lane Bryant. I like how their jeans fit and I feel like they understand larger women. I haven't bought much from there in years because I don't think I had fully come to terms with my size and not wanting to drag the kids through the mall and try things on with them in tow. However, I love a good deal and plan on braving the mall this week.

Lane Bryant is having a sale this week on their jeans. I got a flyer in the mail that was intended for the previous resident. Their "right fit" jeans that are regularly $50 are on sale for $30. What a deal. That is what I paid for the last pair at Target.

Last night, I went through the closet and assessed the jean situation. All my pregnancy jeans are finally getting too big. This includes two non-pregnancy pairs that I wore almost the entire time I was pregnant from a larger time in my life. I have two pairs that I almost fit into meaning I can zip them up but they are not flattering one bit. Still too tight. I bought a pair (Target) last week that fit right now. I have several pairs of dress pants and khakis ranging is sizes 16 - 20 from my working days. Looks like I need at least one pair my current size and one a size down. I could buy smaller but I don't know how far ahead I should buy. Any direction would be appreciated!

So if you are ready to jean shop, this might be the week to do it. That is if you shop at Lane Bryant.

Man I can't wait until I don't shop there anymore!

Getting Off the Irk

So despite posting that I was over the gain this week, I have to come clean and admit that it actually irks me a bit. It has really motivated me to go the extra mile this week. I really hope that it will pay off.

What am I doing? Much more fruits and vegetables and less bread and chocolate. So far I have been doing it and it feels good.

I know I said that I would continue photo tracking, but I haven't been doing it fully. I have been taking pictures but not uploading them. I am doing a good job tracking without the photos so I am OK with it. I really love the WW etools tracker. I think that I will pic some of the best pictures once a week a post a collage.

I posted a new recipe on Eating Fine, Peach Pie Smoothie. It is something that I saw on Food Network. I also uploaded a bunch of other pictures of recent kitchen creations so hopefully I will get a few more posts up this week.

I have been spending a lot of time looking at all of your blogs. There is some great stuff out there, good thoughts and awesome recipes. Thanks for all the inspiration.

One person that I find myself really relating to lately is Roni. Oh how I love her and all that she has to share. I put her Ask Roni's on in the background to listen to when I am on the computer. This one is especially good. I loved all that she had to say about the slump and diet anxiety. I have totally been there. If you have a chance, listen to it.

Gaining

Disappointing but I've moved on and forward.

Up .7 this week. I am happy that it was under a pound but would have been happier if it was a loss.

I was kind of expecting it or at least maintaining because of my daily scale habit.

So I have spent the day analyzing the whys of the gain,

• Chocolate - Even though my chocolate choices were "healthier" options, they were too many and muc of them processed food.
• Too few points - I do best when I eat all my points every day and eat about half of my WPA.
• Exercise - No, not that I didn't exercise, but rather I did. I notice the weeks that I exercise, I gain. A little frustrating. It doesn't make me not want to exercise because regardless I know it is best for me. I haven't been eating my AP. I think I need too. It goes along with the above "Too Few Points".
• Eating Away From Home - I had 2 luncheons and book club this week. I think that I am overestimating the point values of what I am eating. I try to be careful while I am there are still end up with crazy totals like 24 pt for lunch when most things were fairly healthy. I much prefer to eat at home.
• You Lose Some, You Gain Some - An occassional small gain is bound to happen every once in a while. It is just important to keep my focus.

I'll take the gain. I'm OK with it. Maybe I have gained more than .7. I think that I gained a little perspective on the process of losing weight and be able to face the next time the scale reads higher.

Photo Tracking Continued

So after a little thought, I decided that I am going to continue photo tracking. It will be a lot less formal than it has been the last week, but I think that it is good to actually see what I eat.

I planned on posting last night but I laid down on the bed while we were putting the kids to bed and totally passed out. I was so tired and really needed the sleep.

Looking back at the days pictures, I ate a lot of chocolate. I remember craving it during the day and looks like I couldn't beat the craving and had to get a fix.



1. Breakfast Sandwich, Grapes & Yogurt
2. Fiber One Haystacks
3. Chex Mix Turtle Bar
4. Veggies and Crackers with Hummus
5. Fuze and another Chex Mix Turtle Bar (see the chocolate thing!)
6. Sloppy Turkey Joes, Cantaloupe & Salad with Ranch
7. Coconut Meringues (still testing but these came out really good.)

I think that I will continue posting my food here for the time being. I am sure I will move it over to Tracking Fine eventually.

Every Bite Challenge - I WON!

I can't believe it! I won the Questions for Dessert Every Bite Challenge. I am so excited!

I know people always say that they never win, but really, I NEVER win. In fact most blog contests I don't even enter figuring that I would never win so why bother. I know very negative, but honest. Well this has given me a new perspective:

You'll never win if you don't try!

I think that that is a good mantra for WW too! I need to remember that. The effort was totally worth it and thanks Krissie, I am that much more motivated now. I am looking forward to Everday Food magazine. I will have to try some of the recipes and post the results on Eating Fine.

Every Bite Challenge - Day 7

So yes, another gaping hole, right in the middle. I went to another luncheon today. This one for a friend's birthday. It was a great time and the food was delicous but 24 pts later, I realized I would have to be careful the rest of the day.

1. 1/2 Apple (.5) - No I don't usually peel my apples but the little girl won't eat the skin and wastes way to much fruit trying to eat around it, so I have caved to peeling apples.
2. Leftover Potatos with Chili, Crystal Light and a Multivitamin (4) I know, not really breakfast food but so easy to just heat up and very yummy.
3. The "Luncheon" (24) - I guessed a little on the high side, but better safe than sorry. Still can't bring myself to take a picture of my food while out. My husband gives me enough grief ab out it at home.
4. Low Cal Fuze and Chex Bar (2) - Shared the bar with the toddler. I had packed a few snacks because we were out of the house most of the day.
5. 4 oz Top Sirloin and a giant salad with spritzer (5) - I was down to 2 pts at dinner. I had already set out the steaks to thaw and the husband hadn't eaten much and was looking forward to them. I skipped the potatoes and just ate a huge salad instead. To be honest, I wasn't that hungry anyway.

Total - 35.5
Used 3.5 of WPA

So there it is, 7 days of tracking. Thanks Krissie at Questions for Dessert for the challenge. I liked doing it. Thinking about continuing. I might move it over to Tracking Fine, but who knows. I'll keep you posted.