Off to work I go!

I think I used my son's surgery as an excuse to fall off the wagon. Looking back, my head was full of stupid excused that were not valid. Well, I can't go back and change it so I am going forward. Faced the scale this morning. Only up 1 lb. I can handle that. I had it coming! So, back to tracking! (Ironically, the Seven Dwarfs are singing "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!" in the background right now!)

So, how do I climb back on?

I think I am going to start with that fresh pineapple in my fridge. It is ripe and ready to eat but I have been opting for the chips ahoy instead! Off to cut it up and fix myself some breakfast!


A Big Day

While I usually try and keep this spot slightly impersonal, this post is just the oposite. Impersonal isn't working for me. Weight loss is personal. I think I have always known this, but Jillian seems to be throwing it in my face as I watch Biggest Loser and read Master Your Metabolism. So, here I go...

This day I have been dreading and looking forward to at the same time.

My little guy has taken us on a rollercoaster ride this year. Last October he surprised us at birth with a cleft lip and palate. Shocking but wouldn't have changed a thing except we would have been better equipted to deal with his issues.

After he was born, I felt like they couldn't fix it fast enough. They closed his lip at 3 months. At that time, I was used to my wide smiled baby and questioned if I should really let my baby out of my arms and trust the doctors. Was it necessary? The doctors assured me that it wasn't just cosmetic. There were feeding and speech issues that needed to be addressed. I knew but didn't make it easy. I worried I wouldn't recognize him, he wouldn't be my same baby. He was and he wasn't. He looked different. I had to rememorize his face.

He didn't heal well. His lip wasn't a good fix, under-rotated. His seam pulled up. His right nosteril became swollen and scarred, leaving it very small and hard to nereath out of. Different and disappointing but at the same time nice to be on the way to finding his new smile. I guess it is best described as confusing.

Special bottles, lots of bacitracin, neutosurgeons, geneticists and a helmet. Lots of stares. Sweet baby, lots of Smiles, loving big sister and proud parents. We were making it. I think that Heaveny Father knew I needed these things to make it through this past year.

Next step, palate closure, allowing him to swallow normaly and have positive air pressure (This means he will soon be able to say dada. I think my husband is tired of being called "mama"). This is usually around 9 months but the little guy also needed some revisions and a lot of scar tissue. Better to do it all at once. We waited until 11 months, when the doctors said the scar tissue would be ready to be removed.

That day is here. Were waiting. He went in for surgery about 3 hours ago. He now has new tubes in his ears and his palate has been closed. They just started the lip and nose revisions. All updates indicate that things are going well. Relieving! He has to stay in the ICU tonight. Lots of bleeding and risk of choking on his tongue. I am staying with him because I can't imagine leaving him alone. He is old enough to know the difference and no one knows a child like their mother. One comfort, a good family friend is one of the head pedatricians at the neighboring military hospitals and just happens to be on duty here this week. Nice to have someone who knows us personally. (His 4 kids are also our babysitters.)

There will be many more surgeries in the future but we will have at least a 3 year break. Thank goodness. It has been a tough first year.

Why do I write this? A little reflection perhaps. Maybe, just the need to share it. Far to personal for my family blog. Funny how that works. Not for pity! We were blessed with an amazing little boy that Heavenly Father trusted me with. I am very thankful for that!


On My Way

I weighed in on Tuesday. Down 10.4. Yeah! I know some of that was junk my body was holding onto from vacation but I'll take it. It feels good to be going in the right direction. Just shy of 5%. Maybe this week.

Making good decidions with food is getting easier. Craving crap less. Getting creative in the kitchen again.

As I have mentioned before, my husband is a sabotuer. Drives me nuts. He knows I am doing something and probably figures it is WW but I'm not talking to him about it this go round. I am trying to fly under the radar. I am not taking a million pictures while cooking when he is around and dinner gets captured on my little 3 mp iPhone instead of my wonderful DSLR Nikon. Bummer but worth avoiding the rift that forms when I count points.


Yes, I Shower!

I swear that my husband thinks that I never shower. While this is NOT the case, I can see why he thinks this. I look worn down and I am almost always in lounge clothes because on days that I try and get ready in the morning I usually end up getting slimed by the baby or spilled on by the toddler and throw my hands up and end up back in the same pants I had on when he left that morning.

I know it bothers him. Heck, it bothers me!!!

Today, I didn't shower. I got up and exercised and then between the two kids and the house never made it in the shower. My husband was home a little early because it was a Friday, but that didn't make me feel any better about the situation. He took the baby and I tossed the toddler in the shower with me. (Not my favorite person to shower with since she chanted "Shamu, Shamu" while we were in the tub together. I know she is 2 and it was innocently but still.) Shaved my legs for the first time in over a week and when we got out I sent her downstairs to play and took some time for myself. I actually did my makeup and hair and put on a nice outfit hoping to put my husbands fear of an unshowered and unkept wife to rest.

Within minutes of taking the baby off his hands, I heard snoring. Great! Wondering if it was really worth all the trouble. Around 5:30, I decided to start dinner. Had planned it out so it fit in my points. I was starting to set the table when he woke up. He came over and asked what I was doing. When I explained that I was fixing dinner, he said not to bother because we were going out, because I looked nice so why not. (Yeah, he did notice!) I was excited, but also torn because I had planned everything out and was nervous about what I would eat and how I would have planned differently all day if I knew we were going out. I had a feeling that he was looking for an excuse for sushi. (Our usual would definitely been way out of my point range.)

I mentioned earlier that I have been taking some time to really think about my issues and the reasons behind them. One, is that my husband is not really supportive of me trying to lose weight. He is a bit of a saboteur. More on this later. I still have a lot to figure out about it. He also says that I am too rigid when trying to lose weight and plan too much. While I was reserved about the whole situation, I decided to try to be more spontaneous and go with it and trust myself. Luckily, he didn't have anything in mind and left it up to me. I offered up Subway/Jamba Juice. He bit and we were off.

The Subway/Jamba are near this specialty market that had a huge deli (kind of like Whole Foods). Last second, we decided to check out the deli/restaurant for dinner instead because I had a few things that I wanted to pick up. When we walked in the store, my husband picked me up a dozen beautiful yellow roses and had them wrapped up in green tissue. Very romantic and not like my husband at all. There were a million things to pick from but I settled on roasted turkey breast, green beans with almonds and mashed potatoes. I had a couple fresh mozzarella balls, a bit of mac and cheese, a nibble of my husbands cookie and a few small pieces of good quality licorice that was plucked for the bulk bins. I only bought a few knowing that there would be no stopping once I started. When I think about it I wish I would have bought more but again, knew that I shouldn't. We were able to chat while toddler played in the kids area and the baby shoveled down whatever he could get his hands on.

So with all this rambling, I guess what I am trying to say is that I should take better care of myself, both for me and my husband. I should also be flexible. I just need to be determined to count. Final count: only 4 over for the day and I had plenty WPAs to cover it. It was a fun night out and I appreciate my husband noticing and making an effort.


Yes, I do shower!

Horror and Embarassment

I am embarassed it has been such a long time. Wish I could tell you that I have been busy getting skinny but not the case.

I am starting to be more introspective and try and understand some of my issues so that I can be successful.

I lost some weight in August only to go one vacation in September and put some back on. Picture my horror, stepping on the scale 12 lbs heavier than when we left 10 days before. How does that happen?

I have gone back to basics and I am counting. I have been since Monday. Five days. Feels good to have some structure back.

I have a few other thoughts that are weighing on me. I think they deserve their own post.


The Shred - Day 2

Two days done. 28 to go!

I'm sore! Mostly in my legs. Found I couldn't jump near as high today as yesterday. Can't wait to be over the soreness but that probably means I need to move up a level.

I love that it is 25 minutes beginning to end. Makes it easy to squeeze in. Yesterday the kids were napping when I did it, but not the case today. Baby boy was pretty content and the little girl had fun jumping along. It got tough on the last set of abs but I was determined. Grunting to get through it I think scared the little girl and she was worried I was hurt.

It hurt, but in a good way!


The Alternative

It's 10:45 pm and I am hungry.

Points are gone.

Husband is searching the cabinets for a snack.
Sounds like he is settling on a bowl of Race Krispies.

I think I just need to head to bed!